Awesome Syndrome

So after almost a month of waiting and testing out the feeding tube, we have normal biopsies and a diagnosis.  Dumping Syndrome it is.  Dumping Syndrome.  Really? What bugs me most is the name.  Dumping.  It's flat out disgusting.

I've renamed it to Awesome Syndrome.

Little wonder woman will be readmitted soon for a G-J tube that will unfortunately be another family member for quite some time.  But as I said to my dear friend this morning, "whatever.  She's here." Her reply, "Exhale. End Scene."

While we waited for results and my resilient and amazing child put up with beeping machines, tubes, tape and some crazy lady lurking over her at night while she sleeps, I figured something out about myself.

I am human.

It is a lot of responsibility to take care of a sick preschooler.  It's a ton of responsibility to manage a kindergartner with sensory disorder and speech and language impairment.  It's hard to keep up with a typically developing three year old who needs attention too.  It's painful to send a 1 year old to Grandma's house while I tend to the pneumonia I've given myself from lack of sleep and insane amounts of stress.  But it all happens at the same time and the time seems to fly.

I am human.

I woke up screaming from nightmares the night before the remembery of my son and daughters' passing.  Five years later and still screaming from the nightmares.  PTSD anyone?

I am human.

We know that we have to take care of ourselves to best take care of others, but it's hard to go get your nails painted or have that cup of coffee with a friend when it takes a mountain of people to replace you while you do it.  I smile a lot and keep busy because I have to.  I learned that I can replace the guilt of getting out of the house with giving up other things.. like laundry and cleaning ;)  I've finally asked for help from people who reach out and found that these things are better than getting my nails painted.  It gives me stress free time with my kids, which we are all entitled to.

I am human.

I'm not super mom.  I have super kids and I owe them my time and really am in it for the long haul. I also feel that I owe it to the rest of the families out there like mine to be public about my insanity because that's something I'm really good at. Making others aware that we are out there and that we are not ashamed of what we have been dealt.  Showing people that kids with disabilities can overcome major obstacles when given the right tools to succeed.  We have a lot on our plate over here, so pass the pancakes, put on some lipstick and know that yes, much responsibility lands on the laps of many mothers.  It's learning from our mistakes, accepting our weaknesses and moving on in a positive light that matters.